Dancing with the Queen: How Yoga Healed My Pain
I was born broken, and there was no way I could be fixed. I mean--that’s what I’ve heard from doctors with whom my parents consulted, and then from my parents, who obviously believed in doctors more than they believed in their son. I was told that I was born broken, but the truth is a bit more complicated: I was born with a severe lack of ligaments, one shoulder “too” high, feet that were “too” flat, and a back that was “too” curved. Despite all that, I did grow up happy: a young boy, walking the streets of a tiny village in the desert of Israel, making up songs and dancing with the sun.
Growing up in a farming village, spending long hours in the field with my parents was an integral part of my childhood (which I’m so grateful for!). I was carrying buckets of tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers. And, “the problem” did speak. Loudly! Planting tomatoes was the worst: for a few hours, I’d walk with a tray of seedlings, bending down, and putting each one in a hole. Walk two steps, plant, walk two steps, plant. THAT WAS SO PAINFUL!
But I kept dancing! Passionate about dancing, at the age of 5, I asked my mom to take me to ballet class.I didn’t care about being the only boy, nor being mocked by my classmates. I wanted to dance! But my ballet teacher saw “the problem” and he kicked me out of the class when he realized I could not lie flat on the floor (do you remember “too” curvy?). At ten years old, I attended a gymnastics class. When the teacher realized I was not flexible enough for the wheel pose, an essential part of gymnastic routine, they sent me home.
At the age of 12, the pain became chronic, and I just accepted that my life would be painful physically. Scores of doctors said there was no solution. And I believed them. By the age of 30, I was a successful musician. It didn’t give me any physical wisdom, but I had a lot of money. I didn’t know what to do with all my money. Then it hit me, I can afford THE BEST doctor in the country! So, I booked an appointment.For about $300 I got 11 minutes of his time. I walked into his office - seven steps from the door to the patient’s chair. After watching me walk for only those seven steps, he could tell what kind of pain I was suffering from, where, why...everything!
After a few simple physical examinations, he said, “You have two options: The worse option is that you get a surgery where they will put an artificial ligament into your body. You’ll have a few long months of painful recovery, after which you’ll feel great like you never felt before. BUT, after 5-8 years, you’ll start to feel pain again, until you’ll find yourself going on another surgery to put new ligaments, and so on and so on for the rest of your life. The better option is to start swimming, an activity that doesn’t put too much pressure on your skeleton, but will build muscles that will hold your bones in place and prevent them from pressing the nerves, which is the reason for your chronic pain”.
I went back to my car, shocked. Did he just suggest that I can be my own healer???
I immediately started swimming. Every day! The change was immediate. It was immediate, but it didn’t SOLVE “the problem”. It did make it feel significantly smaller, but didn’t solve it!
And then yoga - the Queen - showed up in my life. She showed up like a real Queen - not those fancy ones with a castle, servants, and diamonds. She came in through the back door, humble as she is, and committed to pure unconditional love.
At 36, I faced severe depression. I decided to fly to India, find an ashram where I can practice my meditation from dawn to dusk, and heal myself. I found myself walking into a yoga ashram in Kerala, South India, where I committed to staying for 3 weeks.
Oh my beloved Queen....
By the end of the first week I could, for the first time in my life, lie down fully supine on the floor in savasana (Corpse Pose) where my back is softly caressing the yoga mat, something I was previously unable to do. Around the tenth day, one of the teachers asked me: “Why are you always in savasana when we’re doing the Chakrasana (wheel pose)?” I said, “Chakrasana is not for me. I get crazy back pain just by seeing you doing it.” remembering the gymnastic class I took as a kid . The teacher said, “But...you don’t have to do MY Chakrasana. You do YOUR Chakrasana!”
BOOM!
Did he just say that it’s up to me to decide how I practice yoga?
Two weeks in, I volunteered to work in the kitchen. I was given the job of walking with a huge pot of rice and pouring it on 200 banana leaves that were put on the floor. I prepared myself for the pain that I was so familiar with from planting seeds as a kid. After walking bent for long, long minutes, I’ve prepared myself mentally to straighten up. I know the pain that’s going to come. I took a deeeeep breath and started straightening up. A few seconds later, I’m standing there... upright....but....no pain!
I started crying. Standing in the middle of a dining hall in South India and crying.
Until this very day, I cry every time I share this story.
Yoga has changed my life. I know it sounds like a cliché, but it’s the truth. Just like meditation - it has become a wisdom that’s embedded in every moment of my life. How do I set up my driver’s seat? Which chair do I choose when I’m playing guitar? What do I do with my neck when I play the flute? How to maintain my emotional balance when I make love? How long do I work with my laptop before taking a break to stretch? What does MY BODY want to say when I sing my songs?
Every moment in my life is a yoga practice!
I do maintain a relationship with my yoga mat - sometimes it would just be 5 minutes of breathing and then a round or two of sun salutation. Sometimes it would be 45 minutes or more. However I’m inspired - I’m always making love to the Queen, as humble as she is, and committed to pure unconditional love.